also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
