Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
