Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
