whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
