was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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