insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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