question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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