i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
