Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
mondays should just be called national damage control day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
