My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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