Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
