Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
