woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
