Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
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