Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
