Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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