So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
