i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
