I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
