Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
