just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
