That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Terrible idea I love it
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
