She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
