Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
