its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
