There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize