I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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