He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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