On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
