I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
