Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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