This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
