Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
