i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
