I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
you inspire me to be a worse person
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
