: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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