She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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