I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
