I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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