the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
