I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
