I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
