Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
