I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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