I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
My day in three words: secret purse cake
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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