Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
