There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Randomize
