I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
