I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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