The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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