all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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