some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
