don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
