The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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