Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Randomize
