Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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