hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
