Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
