Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
