That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
