I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
