I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
