i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I just threw up on my dentist
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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