all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
You pole danced in your parka.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
