so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
