She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
