her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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