You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
