How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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