Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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