I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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