i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
