Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
