Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
