two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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