apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
