you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Randomize
