Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
