your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize