i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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