apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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