I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
