lets start a swedish sibling band together
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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