You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Moan for me like Helen Keller
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
