I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Randomize
