my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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