Life is so much better after having sex.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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