Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
