I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think my vagina is haunted
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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