I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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