Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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